i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
love makes seman taste better
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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