Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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