Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We're too hungover to prance.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
