Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
