So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You pole danced in your parka.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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