Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize