I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
