i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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