I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
