i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
