No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
