Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
