It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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