i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
