Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
