Don't make out with my wife yet
You smell like a Billy Joel song
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
