If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
