you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
