dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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