Porn is love you can see.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
