Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just found puke in my bra..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
