I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
