my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
