they need to just BURY HIM!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
