I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
