Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
