Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
