The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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