I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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