Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
