Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
