I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
