I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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