I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Houston, we have a blender
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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