I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
