I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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