I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize