Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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