the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
