all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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