bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize