So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
