everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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