So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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