...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
