I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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