So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
