Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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