I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize