I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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