if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize