i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
