Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
