I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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