What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
