Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
