guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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