i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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