Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
