You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
