Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize
