Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
