At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Found your dick twin last night
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
