if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
