just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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