Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Too much gin, very little bucket
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
