Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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