He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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