I'm jealous of your bromance
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
