i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
