smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
