I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
